you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
