apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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