my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
