I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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