You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
