I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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