you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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