I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
