So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
