i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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