Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
