I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
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They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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