I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
