i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
