omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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