I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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