some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
