I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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