u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
PANTIES FOUND
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
