You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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