The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
