Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
