Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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