Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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