I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
