I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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