I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
