I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
