So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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