we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize