dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
