My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
