she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
