I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Come on in and take your pants off
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