Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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