Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
