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omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
