im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
