Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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