She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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