I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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