you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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