She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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