I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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