Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Come share oat with me in your robe
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
