Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
