hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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