i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
