I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
