apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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