I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
