I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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