Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
