I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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