Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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