Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
