Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize