so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
