so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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