i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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