I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
