I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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