It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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