My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
