Your mouth is God's brothel.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
