This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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