That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
