he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
