dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
