My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
