it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize